


A Small Victory

by evilkat



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Sexual Dysfunction, implied past sexual abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-11
Updated: 2014-11-11
Packaged: 2018-02-24 22:46:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2599343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evilkat/pseuds/evilkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky has issues processing pleasure without pain.  Sometimes it's the small victories that win the war.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Small Victory

**Author's Note:**

> This story assumes that Bucky underwent some form of sexual torture during his tenure with Hydra.
> 
> The title comes from the Faith No More song of the same name.

Steve lets his eyes drift close as the first waves of pleasure radiate through his body. He begins to move slowly in and out of the pliant body beneath him. 

The metal fist catches him on the right corner of his mouth, taking advantage of the momentary lapse and nearly knocking him over. Bucky had pulled the punch, but it was still hard enough to send him reeling for a few seconds. Steve grabs the mechanical arm by the wrist before it could happen again. It takes a great deal of strength to overcome the resistance and slam the fist back down onto the bed next to its owner’s head. 

“No,” he says sternly, glaring down at the other man. His tongue flits over the spot on his bottom lip that was rapidly swelling and starting to bleed. 

Bucky glares right back at him, grey-blue eyes shining defiantly in the low light. The gears and servos in the arm protest momentarily before silencing. He will always follow a direct order. Even now, long after he had begun the slow climb back to himself. Some of the conditioning is still too deep to overwrite and it’s left Bucky with issues processing pleasure without pain. He stabbed a steak knife into this thigh before Steve could stop him the first time he got an erection. 

They stare at each other for a long while without moving until Steve rolls his hips for a good, hard, deep thrust. Bucky gasps softly. He repeats the motion again. And then again. And again. Steve would never dream of hurting him. Not now and not like this, but the reality of the situation is that for all his gentleness, some part of Bucky’s animal brain needed- no, expected it to hurt. 

A tremor passes through the dark-haired man’s body and it’s he who looks away first. Another low groan and Bucky turns his head to the side, bearing his throat to the other. He’s waiting for his punishment. He lashed out and he needs to be reprimanded for it. 

Steve tries to not dwell too long on the implications behind the gesture and leans down to press his lips right below the jawbone. He can feel the tension immediately as Bucky grits his teeth, trying not to make another sound. There is a brief pulse of movement from the cybernetic arm, but it obediently stills. He licks a trail of bloody saliva down to the junction of metal and flesh. He knows that its one of that places Bucky would rather he not even look at let alone touch with his mouth. But Steve is determined to show him that there is nothing left between them. No boundaries left to cross. He runs his tongue all over the seam of jagged flesh as he pistons himself in and out.

Bucky is trembling harder now. He blindly reaches out with his flesh and bone hand to grab at his own leaking erection. He begins to pump it frantically, almost as if he is trying to rip it off. 

“Hey…hey, take it easy,” Steve soothes as he gently closes his other hand around Bucky’s in an attempt to slow the breakneck pace. He lets go of the metal arm knowing that it will stay where he left it so he can lean on his elbow. “Like this,” he says as he begins to help the other man move his hand up and down languidly. 

“I can’t…” Bucky gasps as he tries to once again speed things up. 

Steve blocks the effort. “Yes, you can.” His own voice is breathless. He wants to just let it all go and pound Bucky into the mattress, but he can’t become too lost in his own euphoria. He has to show him. No matter how many times it takes, he has to show him how it’s supposed to be without pain and degradation. 

“Please…make it hurt…”

The words cut right through all of his defenses. Steve has to swallow back the tears before he can respond. “You know I can’t do that,” he answers gently. “Let me help you, Bucky. I love you so much.”

The ex-Winter Soldier cries out suddenly, body jerking as he comes hard over both of their hands. Steve lets go, but doesn’t break pace and thrusts harder now to ride out the last waves of Bucky’s orgasm. It doesn’t take long before he’s biting back a cry of his own as he empties himself into the other man. 

The two lie next to each other wordlessly while they catch their breath. Steve is always careful to not collapse down onto Bucky after sex. He said it brings up too many bad memories. Steve never presses for more information, but he is always mindful to comply. He turns his head and places a gentle kiss on Bucky’s cheek. He notes the wetness, but doesn’t acknowledge it. The tears are an involuntary reaction. It’s hard not to take something like that personal, but after learning of the atrocities his best friend went through for decades, that they are even allowed to be this intimate, no matter how fucked up, is a miracle in and of itself. 

“I should go get cleaned up,” Bucky says flatly as he sits up and moves a little too quickly out of the room. 

“Was it okay?” 

Bucky pauses in the doorway. His shoulders tense visibly, but he doesn’t turn around. “It was fine. I’m sorry about your face.” And then he disappears into the dark hallway.

That wasn’t the reassurance he had been looking for. Telling Bucky that he loved him in the middle of sex was probably not the right thing to do and the lack of response leaves him hollow inside. Steve sighs loudly and grabs a few tissues off the nightstand to wipe off his hand and chest. It’s supposed to be a good thing- reveling in the afterglow, but all he can feel right now is that familiar knot in his stomach. He tongues his busted lip absently. The punch was meant to provoke him into reacting…retaliating. He thought they were finally getting past all that. He thought he was finally breaking through all of the systematic bullshit conditioning that has his friend believing that his only use is being _of_ use to someone. And that wanting anything for himself will, and should, result in harsh punishment. 

In the distance, he hears the shower in the bathroom turn on. Bucky will hide in there until he’s dealt with his own aftershocks. Sighing again, Steve swipes a hand over his face. Sam would definitely take issue with his treatment plan if he were ever to find out. 

He pulls the sheet up over him to keep him warm while he waits and idly wonders what it is, exactly, that Bucky experiences afterwards. Shame? Regret? Guilt for wanting to feel pleasure? Even though he’ll run off to regroup after, Bucky will still come back to their bed and they will hold each other in the darkness. He always comes back and Steve takes that as a sign of progress. Sometimes it’s the small victories that win the war. 

-End

**Author's Note:**

> I'm toying with the notion of writing a companion piece to this from Bucky's POV. Feedback is always appreciated as this was my first attempt with these characters. Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine.


End file.
